Farmboy
by Sapadu
Summary: Just came into my head when my family was watching 'The Princess Bride.'Don't blame me: I warned you! LM.


Farmboy

"As you wish." That's all it took, and Mara Jade had found herself going completely insane. Why the hell would the farmboy talk to her like that? Mara hand thought over it time and time again, looked up the words, researched any symbolic meaning they may have, looked up on people who the farmboy may have heard it from, and she found herself back where she started- with no clue, whatsoever.

And this wasn't like farmboy had made a big deal out of it, nor was this really new- for a few months now, he'd been replying 'As you wish' whenever she bossed him around or ordered him to do something. At first, it hadn't seemed like a big deal- he still did what she told him to do, with no fuss except a simple 'As you wish' reply. After a while, however, it started to get on Mara's nerves... maybe it was revenge for all the things she was sniping at him to do... but it wasn't LIKE farmboy to do something as petty as want revenge...

Mara cursed and then stalked off to the library to try some more research, and hopefully find the farmboy and beat an answer out of him.

* * *

After another week, Mara finally cornered the Jedi Knight in his study and was one step away from using the torture methods she'd been taught to wring an answer from him and he still wasn't telling her.

"Dammit, farmboy, just tell me why the hell you're talking to me like that!" She screamed. Skywalker merely blinked at her, "Don't look at me like that- you know what I'm talking about!" She continued, pointing an accusatory finger at the infuriating smirk on Skywalker's face.

"I'm afraid I cannot answer you." He replied, perfectly calm, his voice even and pleasant. Mara felt like she was swelling and about to pop- she was so angry- and let of a string of invectives Skywalker had never HEARD before while throwing in what a load of crap that was.

Skywalker was still smiling and Mara felt ready to kill him.

"I understand your sentiment, but it will be much more satisfactory if you can figure it out on your own." He replied in that perfectly even voice of his. Mara snorted as Skywalker turned his back. She knew a dissmissal when she saw one and made a show of stomping out. She had to get the last word in, though.

"Oh, just shut the hell up, farmboy." She snapped, and slammed the door.

"As you wish." She heard through the door. Mara's face went red and she ran away from the door as fast as she could before he could say something else.

* * *

"And he STILL said 'As you wish' even though I'd slammed the door! Can you BELIEVE that little idiot?" Mara panted, finishing her screaming rant. The um... being that she was screaming at, however, did not reply.

"Miss Jade?" Asked a hesitant voice behind her. Mara spun in her seat to see Anakin Solo and an older student staring at her. She scowled.

"Waddya want?" She snapped, still feeling very bad tempered. The older student glared back with his gray eyes.

"For starters, this is a library and you've been screaming for about half an hour while others around you are trying to read and study. Furthermore, you realize you've been screaming at a book of maps, yes?" He asked. Mara recognized that voice, now- Farmboy had told her about him- Skywalker's first apprentice, also the grandson of Palpatine himself.

Not that Mara really cared at the moment...

"So?" She demanded, "I'm pissed."

"On, or off, dear?" Ken retorted with a nastily sweet smile, "And watch your language." Mara felt her red cheeks puffing up.

"Why are you mad at Uncle Luke?" Anakin asked, innocently. Mara blinked at him.

"Because. He's being a pain. That's why!" She answered with a definity in her voice that said nobody was allowed to question her. Anakin did so, anyway.

"Why?" Mara blinked at him.

"Because he IS!" She replied, using all female logic, which of course meant it made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

"I think Uncle Luke likes you." Anakin said, blinking quite innocently up at her. Mara stared, her cheeks going red.

Anakin and Ken left her to stew in her seat.

* * *

Mara was cleaning her blasters the next day. It was something to do when she was mad, and she just hoped she wasn't shooting herself in the foot.

The door knocked. No, wait: doors couldn't knock... someone was knocking ON the door.

Wow, Mara WAS out of it to space out like that...

"C'm'in." She called and didn't look over her shoulder as the door opened. Something tapped on her shoulder and Mara turned to face a very irate Princess Leia.

"Heya, Princess! What can I do ya for?" She asked, figuring she could at least be civil to ONE of the Skywalker twins.

"Anakin told me he and Ken saw you in the library yesterday, swearing at an atlas, complaining about Luke." She stated. Mara blinked at Leia's sharp tone. The Princess was never this snappish.

"O-kay..." Mara prompted. Leia tossed a heavy book onto the floor beside Mara.

"Watch your language around my children from now on, please." Leia said, shortly, and turned on her heel, exiting.

Mara almost said 'As you wish', by osmosis.

* * *

Mara had read the book. She READ the STUPID, FREAKING BOOK!

It was called 'The Princess Bride' and in the first chapter, she'd discovered the princess bride called a boy who lived on a farm 'farmboy', just like she called Skywalker.

Furthermore, when the chick bossed this boy around, he just replied 'As you wish' and in the end, 'As you wish' turned out to mean... to mean...

Mara felt so MAD! It was so STUPID! How the HELL could 'As you wish' be translated to mean 'I love you'? HOW? That made ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE, WHATSOEVER!

So, book in hand, Mara confronted the farmboy about it.

Skywalker smiled at her pleasantly as she broke down the door to his study, folding his hands in a business-like manner that seemed to say 'What can I do for you?' Mara pointed one manicured, claw-like, blood red fingernail at him.

And she didn't say a word for three full minutes.

"Cute, farmboy. Very cute." She finally managed. Skywalker just looked at her as she threw the book down on his desk, producing a rather satisfying THUD.

And she didn't speak again, for fifteen minutes. They just stared at eachother, in stalemate.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT?" Mara finally burst out, enraged. Skywalker raised an elegant eyebrow.

"I thought THAT would be perfectly clear by now." He said, mildly. Mara went red.

"Will you cut it out if I stop calling you farmboy?" She snapped. Skywalker leaned back in his chair, seeming to consider it.

"...Maybe..." Skywalker amended.

"Then CUT IT OUT!" Mara screamed, and after a moments thought, added, "And don't you DARE say 'As you wish'!" Farmboy grinned.

"Would you like to join me for dinner tonight?" He asked, in all courteous a tone. Mara stared at him for a moment, before getting a truly wicked idea, and replying.

"As you wish." Skywlker's cheeks turned pink.

"Told ya so, Miss Jade." Mara whipped around to see a very smug Anakin Solo waving at her. A hand reached out from behind the door frame and pulled him back.

"YOU! YOU TWO DIE!" Mara shouted, beginning the chase.

A/N: Writing this was a TON of fun. There are so many points that I think are drop dead hilarious.


End file.
